Categories
Essay Personal Update Random

The Most Expensive Bottle of Dr. Pepper I Will Ever Buy

I’m not sure whether I’ll enter into the kingdom of heaven, but my JBL TUNE 760NC headphones certainly will.

Here’s what happened. Two days ago I was walking home from my new office on NAU campus. The office itself is worthy of another story sometime; it’s the kind of office that elicits the response “You’re in Peterson? That’s a rite of passage” from the older faculty members, located in a building that was reportedly supposed to have been torn down back in 2016.

What’s important to this story is that it’s a mile from where I live, which is short enough that walking is the best way to get there but long enough that it’s pretty miserable if the weather is bad. The rain started just after I left my office. Now, in Utah where I’m from, it’s not worth owning an umbrella, because it rains maybe twice a month, and when it does it’s over in twenty minutes. I thought I would be fine to push through the rain like the grown taxpaying adult that I am.

Never in my life had I experienced rain so thick that it felt like that scene in Lord of the Rings where the Fellowship are walking over Caradhras through the blizzard with their arms over their faces and Saruman says “If the mountain defeats you, will you risk a more dangerous road?” I couldn’t have been more drenched if the whole population of Flagstaff had taken turns emptying five-gallon buckets over my head. And every car that shot by flung dirty water onto the sidewalk, so that by the time I reached home, I was covered in water and mud and looked like I’d just cosplayed a car in a car wash.

(Incidentally, the shoes I was wearing that day—this was the third time I’d worn them—are still wet.)

So that was baptism by water for my headphones—which miraculously survived the whole ordeal well enough to repeatedly play the new Bleachers live recording while I furnished my office yesterday. They made it home dry and intact after work and I put them on the counter just in time for them to receive their second baptism in as many days: baptism by Dr. Pepper.

I was trying to be responsible, honest. After work I wandered around for a little while, trying to decide whether I wanted fast food, before realizing that what I really craved was a vanilla ice cream float with Dr. Pepper, and it would be cheaper to buy the ingredients for that than buying dessert at Dairy Queen. So I walked the fifteen minutes to Target and brought home a tub of ice cream and a two-liter Dr. Pepper. As soon as I got home, I set my headphones on the table, got out a cup for my long-awaited dessert, dished out the ice cream, and opened the Dr. Pepper…

…and a geyser comprising an entire liter of Dr. Pepper, fully half of the bottle, pumped through my hands with immeasurable newtons of force. It couldn’t have gone any higher if I’d dumped a whole bag of Mentos into that bottle. I yelled a couple of curse words and knocked over the ice cream cup—the ill-fated ice cream float got assembled, at least, on the kitchen counter—and, clothing soaked for the second night in a row, I rushed for a towel to absorb the lake of Dr. Pepper off the counter and the floor and the dishwasher and the walls and the ceiling (where brown Dr. Pepper droplets hung like stalactites).

For the next half hour, my roommates (who had been playing Super Smash Bros in the living room when all hell broke loose; Dr. Pepper made its way all the way onto their couches, fortunately upholstered in leather) and I conducted damage control on the brand new kitchen. I should mention that we’re the first ones to live here. Less than a month into our contract and the living room walls are permanently streaked with the evidence of my cola-flavored folly. It came off the baseboards and the doors just fine, and the floors are mostly sticky-free after a couple moppings, but I doubt the constellations of Dr. Pepper on the ceiling will go away without another painting.

I really tried my best to keep this apartment nice, but in the end—no matter how hard you may wish it otherwise—no treasure on earth, even a new apartment, is safe from the moth and rust and Dr. Pepper that doth corrupt, in the words of St. Matthew.

I’ve been reading the fourteenth-century samurai epic Heike Monogatari, which is all about the transience of glory and beauty: “Pleasure and riches are vanity…youth cannot save me, for many die young, and breathing out never assures that the breath will pass in again. Summer heat shimmer, a flash of lightning; life vanishes still more swiftly.” That hauntingly beautiful awareness of doom is moving to read about in classic literature, but I could have used without the reminder of the transience of my wordly possessions via the twin vehicles of H2O and Dr. Pepper.

Granted, my poor headphones made it through their ordeal well enough to deliver me the new Airborne Toxic Event single, so I’ll take what I can get. (It’s very Smiths-wave, for the record.) ∎

Categories
Random

The Best Paper I Ever Wrote

As I’m now a senior on the downward slope of my undergraduate education, the time has come to reflect on the moments that have brought me to this point.

My humanities class back in summer 2023 required us to write short papers in response to the literature and art we studied. This particular professor was one I had taken a course from before, and I’d tested the waters by ending my term paper on Socrates in aporia rather than giving a proper conclusion, so I figured I’d risk straying into the realm of goofy.

When we got to William Blake, I wrote my paper in response to a particularly eloquent remark he directed at the highly refined portrait painter Sir Joshua Reynolds: “This Man was Hired to Depress Art.” Please enjoy.

Un-Depressing Art (pdf)

Categories
Book/Movie/TV/Game Review

Mia Was Right About Snape

Finishing a good book series invariably leaves a void in your chest—like a world suddenly ceasing to exist. With Harry Potter, the emptiness is especially acute. Fortunately, I’ve had the pleasure of descending back into that void several times over the course of my life and revisiting the stories of Harry, Ron, and Hermione for as long as the story lasts.

This post isn’t proper literary criticism, but rather a collection of thoughts that stuck out to me on this last reading: (1) the theme of death, (2) the characters, particularly Snape, and (3) the immersive atmosphere. Me being me, here’s some words about each of them.

(This goes without saying, but: major spoiler warning for a 15-year-old book series ahead.)

The Secrets of Death

“I know nothing of the secrets of death, Harry, for I chose my feeble imitation of life instead.”
     —Nearly Headless Nick, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

If the thousands of pages in the Harry Potter series can be boiled down to a single theme and thesis, it would be attitude toward death. Death is a visible reality throughout the series, from Voldemort’s attempt at immortality through the Philosopher’s Stone in the first book and Harry’s encounter with Voldemort’s immortal memory in the second book to the deaths of people in Harry’s life that introduce Harry himself to death (his parents before the series begins; Cedric in the fourth book; Sirius in the fifth; Dumbledore in the sixth; and Hedwig, Moody, Dobby, Fred, Lupin, Tonks, and others in the seventh). Rowling’s claim is that death is a fact of life, and it is far from the worst thing in life.

The difference between Voldemort and Dumbledore is that Dumbledore has the proper attitude towards death, while Voldemort does not. Dumbledore does not fear death; Voldemort does, and this is why Dumbledore is the only wizard Voldemort fears. Voldemort is able to twist the aptly-named ‘Death Eaters’ to do his bidding because they fear death more than living an immoral life. Dumbledore sacrifices his own life to eventually destroy Voldemort, while Voldemort commits murder to protect his own life. Dumbledore destroys the Philosopher’s Stone; Voldemort covets it.

“You are the true master of death, because the true master does not seek to run away from Death. He accepts that he must die, and understands that there are far, far worse things in the living world than dying…”
     —Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

And Harry becomes master of Death precisely because he is willing to die. He is not the first or second brothers in Bard’s book, seeking to conquer Death and becoming victims themselves, just like Voldemort. He is the third brother, wielder of the Cloak, willing to live a life worth living and then greeting Death as a friend. “The Boy Who Lived” in the first chapter becomes a man who died, and then chose to live again, in the final chapters. When Harry calls Tom Riddle by his real name in their final duel, it’s a reminder that Tom was always just a mortal, and that the unstoppable, immortal wizard Voldemort was always just a myth. Harry never needed a persona, even though he was the one who truly conquered death. In the end, Harry completes a seven-book journey from fearing death—seeking out a magical mirror to stare at his dead parents—to accepting it, and giving up the Hallows.

“‘The last enemy that shall be defeated is death’…” A horrible thought came to him, and with a kind of panic. “Isn't that a Death Eater idea? Why is that there?”
     “It doesn't mean defeating death in the way the Death Eaters mean it, Harry,” said Hermione, her voice gentle. “It means you know living beyond death. Living after death.”Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

In this regard, Rowling’s work can be seen as dialoguing with figures like internet educator CGP Grey, who argues against acceptance of death, citing technological advances. For those who are persuaded by Rowling’s compelling presentation of the costs of fearing death, Harry Potter is an antidote to that fear.

“Do not pity the dead, Harry. Pity the living, and above all, those who live without love.” 
     —Albus Dumbledore, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows

Tangentially, I also find interesting the way Rowling treats esoteric concepts such as love, time, memory, and death as concrete, even physical realities to be studied and trusted. These are all ideas under study at the Department of Mysteries, and they all interact with magic just as the physical world does. To me, these reveal the seriousness with which Rowling is willing to take the metaphysical, beneath all the whimsical magic of Summoning Charms and Bat-Bogey Hexes.

Snape, Dumbledore, and Other Flawed Adults

My friend Mia and I argue like Gryffindors and Slytherins about Snape. I’ve always been a Snape fanboy (I got that from my mother). Mia despised him. Not long after I moved back to the United States, she continued the argument with a 700-word email called “The Snape Argument” that sat in my inbox for a year. So here’s—finally—my reply.

Snape isn’t a nice person. He’s needlessly cruel to Harry, Ron, Hermione, and the other Gryffindors, and this is a fact of how he chooses to act. (Though, proper educational procedures in Hogwarts would have gone a long way toward fixing this problem. Could Dumbledore or McGonagall not have spared a single class period to observe Snape’s class to see how he ran it?)

Nonetheless, Snape saves Harry’s life on at least three occasions (countercursing Quirrell in the first book, rallying the Order of the Phoenix in the fifth, and helping Ron find him in the seventh). He loves Harry while hating him, which, oddly enough, is how Snape feels about his own self. He went down the darkest of paths. But when it killed what he valued the most, he changed. Sometimes that’s what it takes to cause a person to change. If Voldemort had never gone after the Potters, Snape would have remained a Death Eater. Ultimately, he never became a kind or a fair person, but he did become willing to make great personal sacrifices to help Dumbledore bring about Voldemort’s downfall.

The big revelation of Snape’s love for Lily and true loyalty to Dumbledore comes after Snape has died. This isn’t the time to judge whether Snape is a “good” character or “bad” character, narratively. It’s too late for that, and he isn’t written to be a “good” character. He’s written to be a character that the reader can choose to forgive, or not to forgive, once they hear his full story. To me, he isn’t good, but he is forgivable. He knows better than anyone the pain that following Voldemort can cause, and he tries his best to remedy his mistakes, even knowing that no amount of sacrifice he makes will bring back the woman he cared for, his best childhood friend.

Rowling has a grasp on what people are really like, a fact that is evident in a whole slew of flawed and layered characters. Dumbledore is another such character, and one who’s easier than Snape to like and to forgive for his past mistakes. It’s interesting that neither Elphias Doge’s blind loyalty nor Rita Skeeter’s vitriolic attacks turn out to be fully factual. The older Dumbledore himself would be the first one to admit that his actions as a youth—sacrificing his family relationships and fraternizing with Grindelwald to plan world domination for the greater good—did not live up to the ideals he would later espouse. It might have taken getting his nose broken by his brother and losing his family for him to change, but he did change. (Even if, at times, he continued to be tempted by promises of his reunited family, such as the Resurrection Stone and the Mirror of Erised. In light of the earlier discussion of death, this weakness of Dumbledore’s is perhaps the reason why Harry was needed to defeat Voldemort, with Dumbledore as mentor rather than hero, in a literary sense.)

As for Dumbledore’s relationship with Harry, everything, including his keeping secrets from Harry, was motivated by his compassion for Harry and his desire to give Harry as much of a childhood as he could. Having Harry grow up with the Dursleys was the only option for preventing him from being murdered by Voldemort sympathizers at any time (admittedly this is something of a plot contrivance), and can hardly be considered Dumbledore’s fault.

“I cared about you too much,” said Dumbledore simply. “I cared more for your happiness than your knowing the truth, more for your peace of mind than my plan, more for your life than the lives that might be lost if the plan failed. In other words, I acted exactly as Voldemort expects we fools who love to act…
     “My only defense is this: I have watched you struggling under more burdens than any student who has ever passed through this school, and I could not bring myself to add another—the greatest one of all.”Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Even the characters closest to Harry are some of the most flawed. Ron is often bitter and jealous; Hermione can be judgmental and narrow-minded. Sirius’ poor treatment of a house-elf ultimately results in his death, and his first act after escaping from prison was attempted murder (both were perhaps justifiable actions under an ethic of retribution, yet both led to further tragedy). And don’t get me started on James. (He definitely married up.) Obviously these characters are nice to Harry, but “if ye love them which love you, what reward have ye?” Or in Sirius’ own words, “If you want to know what a man’s like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals.”

Harry’s World

Before I wrap up my thoughts, opinions, and ramblings, I want to mention a couple of devices that contribute to the feeling of immersion in Harry’s world. One is initiation and de-initiation. In anthropology and architecture, there’s this idea of the archway as an entrance into another place or state of existence. For example, holy places may have archways that separate the mundane from the sacred. Think of those iconic red-orange torii gates outside Shinto shrines.

For Harry, the initiation and de-initiation comes from him starting and ending each story in a mundane place that could exist in the reader’s universe—the Dursleys’ house—and then being yeeted into the magical world. This is exactly what happens to the reader when they pick up a Harry Potter book: they are lifted from the mundane to the fantastical, and then return to the mundane when they put the book down. By providing a proper archway into Harry’s world, Rowling heightens the proximity of her magic to the reader’s everyday experience.

Another device of immersion is Rowling’s use of letters, signs, and other artifacts scattered throughout the text. I don’t see these often in other books I read. When Harry gets a letter from Hogwarts, the reader can see exactly what that letter looks like. When Hagrid sends Harry a note about Buckbeak, the reader can see that, too, complete with distinct handwriting and smudged ink. The same goes for the wizarding exam grading scale, the sign at a hospital that lists departments and floors, the signatures on owl post, and dozens of other tangible items. They work as a sort of first-person window through the eyes of the characters.

Rowling’s style of dialogue also follows the contours of real dialogue more organically than other authors I’ve read; she regularly uses fragments of trailing or interrupted speech, and she doesn’t shy away from using ALL CAPS to heighten the volume of a scene when necessary. These textual features, combined with Rowling’s intentional portrayals of everyday events such as going to class, doing homework, commuting to work, getting mail, and eating meals, make the Harry Potter books some of the most realistic-feeling books I’ve read, despite the obvious fantastical elements.

Harry Potter’s fictional world is one in which countless people have found solace and escape, myself included. Perhaps this is strange, since her world is far from without difficulty, death and suffering. In some ways, it feels much like our own, full of complex personalities and relatable conversations. Yet the true magic of Harry Potter is that this is a world where the afterlife is just on the other side of a train ride from London and where evil is conquered by sacrifice, friendship, and above all, love.

“There is a room in the Department of Mysteries,” interrupted Dumbledore, “that is kept locked at all times. It contains a force that is at once more wonderful and more terrible than death, than human intelligence, than forces of nature. It is also, perhaps, the most mysterious of the many subjects for study that reside there. It is the power held within that room that you possess in such quantities and which Voldemort has not at all. That power took you to save Sirius tonight. That power also saved you from possession by Voldemort, because he could not bear to reside in a body so full of the force he detests. In the end, it mattered not that you could not close your mind. It was your heart that saved you.” Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix

Mischief managed.